For more than a year, we kept on with these shadows.
Perpetual and pestering, they were there in all the months that we tried to keep the organization intact.
Because the organization was The Organization.
A symbol of what was real.
A realization of our vision, our hope.
Our silent way of reclaiming our muffled voices as a people.
There were several people who saw it all: the vision, and the sacrifices that the pursuit of that vision required. Only several, because eventually, the many dwindled to a handful, to a few, to a number that saw all what it took to go after a grand dream.
They would know the difficult road ahead, the road that was long and winding, the length going on into dark nights that cast long shadows on all the light reflected.
It is these shadows that brought fear in the heart, the fear of the night, the fear of the dark, the fear of the unknown, the fear of the road less travelled, the unfamiliar, the terrain that is yet to be explored.
In all these moments of shadows, you had only one resort, and only one: a firm belief in what life offers to the ardent seeker of deliverance from all what the shadows stood for.
You lighted candles, you burned incense, in the beginning till the end.
Even in the beginning, you have sensed the negative energies coming in to home in The Organization: the grandstanding that ended up like one bad, big, bold fart; the misunderstanding that went with some sense of entitlement and privilege; the bold words that were not bold at all but were empty promises; the nights that brought in more nights that scared you out of your wits.
Like the few who knew it all, you served.
Like the few who knew what dedication was, you dedicated yourself to the pursuit of that one goal that was to define The Organization for what it was to be.
But the shadows were dark and were casting longer shadows as the night came and went, came and went, and bringing forth more nights that came and went, and came and went.
You called it quits, this hoping against hope.
You called it quits to renew the faith.
You called it quits to allow the spirit to discover the way to slaying the shadows that were bogging it down.
You called it quits to put an end to the vulgarity of claims that had no basis, claims that did not understand the meaning of sustaining and allowing The Organization to grow, mature, and bear fruit.
You called it quits to put a halt to the misuse of speech, that speech that talked about what one could have done but did not do, what one could have accomplished but did little to do it, what one could have pursued but did take only some steps but not all the steps to the pursuit of a beautiful dream.
You umansk youself before the shadow and the shadows are lost in the night, never to appear again, never to intertwine again with all claims to what-was and what-has-been and what-could-have-been.
Ah, people, your tell yourself.
People will always be people, some claiming the first right to wash hands before the hour of atonement, the washing of hands as biblical in magnitude and dramatic power for some effect but never effective because it is a lousy excercise of a ritual with neighter sense nor meaning.
You smile, knowing, and knowing more.
You realize you are calm, as calm as the words of the man you asked for calming.
'Why worry about so many thing?' was all the word to arrest your panic, this panic on panic.
You remember you owe yourself some good, deep breathing.
You remember you still have some good people to thank, they who always remind you of your duty to live.
A. S. Agcaoili
July 12, 2006, night