MANILA, Philippines—Don’t touch her pork barrel. Speaker Prospero Nograles aired the warning in the wake of calls by the minority in the House to slash the 2009 national budget by P100 billion to P200 billion, including from President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s intelligence fund. Inquirer, Oct 7/08
Dear God of all Philippine politicians:
Our people are disappearing.
We need intelligence so we know where are they going.
Our people are salvaged.
We need pork barrel to buy them a decent coffin and a good mass in Latin from the priest who knows how to say when the sins of the kings and queens of the land are forgiven.
Our people are starving.
We need pork barrel and more barrel to buy tainted milk, tainted honor, and thieving soldiers who do not know where mercy is.
Our people are dying.
We need the intelligence fund to find out why they do, and how to hasten their good death.
Our people are not saying no to all the lies of presidents and her kins.
We need pork to make them cower in fear, these rallyists, and rebels, and christian atheists who think that communism will never be dead.
Our people are in need to padrinos.
We need pork money for the padrinos. They will come with their gifts when we dance the fandanggo, with the lights and the light steps so we can simulate the quick sex of birds because we do not have home to enjoy these gifts except on street corners and bridgeways or bad dreams.
Our people need roads.
We need pork commissions to build roads so the politicos will have more commissions, and the roads will go with the typhoons and the rains, and the waters will wipe away the imagination of highways.
Our people need justice.
Our people need pork barrel for the judges so they can see that balance is not for the poor, really, as it has always been against them so we will always have them, the poor and the oppressed, so we will have a reason to show our tender kindness.
Our people need doctors.
We need the pork commissions to drive the doctors away, make them become nurses so they can leave the country and send money back home so we have more pork barrel to play with.
Our people need livelihood.
We need pork barrel to make them starve to death, with no way by which they can ever earn just wages.
Our people need life.
We need pork barrel so we have more money to make it sure that they do not live long lives.
Our people need a country.
We need presidential cholesterol so the president can intelligently feed us with the fat of what presidential promise can offer:
good life for the children of her friends,
good life for the children of her children
good life for the children of her friends
good life for the children of her friend's friends.
We say no more of what we need.
We pray her rosary with her diamond beads.
We have got this, this praying so we can hope for more of the miseries we need to endure and enjoy.
Thy kingdom come is her kingdom come her queendome come and her pork barrel will save us all. Amen.